...being green

May 20, 2010

My "fast" suddenly turned into an Internet fast yesterday, as my cable internet suddenly stopped working. What a mess! Our phone, which my mother-in-law relies on, is internet-based, and our DVR was being all whiney. My printer needs the network to work. Lost some substantial productive time!

I called Comcast and they said it wasn't a service outage. They said the modem wasn't sending a signal and it was likely a problem on our end. The cable wiring in our condo is weak, so I took it upon myself to try to improve the wiring and use an amp for signal boost. I spent hours reconfiguring this and that. Went to Radio Shack twice. Nothing I did worked.

But this morning, the problem fixed itself. I should have known the Comcast guy was full of it, since the problem suddenly started and I've never had a problem before.

Anyway, the lack of Internet and the general anger and frustration made yesterday's "fast" more difficult. I found myself practically pacing around the house out of anxiety yesterday evening. I probably checked the fridge 100 times. It really illustrated how frustration and eating go hand-in-hand for me.

What it did not do, however, is give me any clue how to better deal with this kind of low-grade, but still annoying and anxiety-inducing frustration.

My history and upbringing have given me these options:

1. Hit something.
2. Hit someone.
3. Smoke.
4. Yell.

Since none of these are really where I'm at, except the yelling, and the occasional hitting of something, which only make things worse, it's fair to see eating as quite an improvement, actually, especially when I can manage to eat something healthy.

But ideally, something else would take the place of eating.


(A few notes: Yes, there's another obvious choice that some of you dirty-minded people are already thinking of. Let's just assume, that that particular option was exhausted. As it were.

Also, I know there are people out there who like to be 'Answer Men' (or women). When a person puts himself out there with a post that is slightly confessional, using 'me' words, telling his own story, there's always someone who breezes through and takes the opportunity to show how clever he is by providing an easy answer of the 'what you should do' variety. Often, it's an answer so obvious as to be slightly insulting. My favorite example is from X-Men 2: "Bobby, have you tried NOT being a mutant?"

If you're that person, my request is that you take time to understand and acknowledge my situation, then bother to tell your own story. Tell me what you have tried and the challenges you have faced. Tell me what's worked for you and what hasn't.)

By the way, my fastlet is now over, technically, but I'm unsure what to eat. Seriously, it has felt so good that I'm almost afraid to end it. But it will end. This, I know. And I might as well end it on my own terms. Just not sure how. I haven't eaten yet today.

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